Belief in my head, emptiness in my chest

My name is Zakariya Osman. After forty years in hospital wards, I can teach a young doctor how to suture a wound and how to tell a family that their father will not wake. I can say the kalima and explain tawhid, and patients still ask me for du'a. But some mornings, sitting on the bus with my prayer beads in my pocket, I realise I believe with my head but my chest feels empty. I remember how faith used to come like warmth after fajr in my mother's kitchen, like hot tea on a cold street. I miss that. Has anyone else lost that warm feeling and lived with the quiet ache?