I keep his message on read

I have not really spoken to my father in two years, and Ramadan makes the silence unbearable. I write dua journals and have pages of prayers I thought would find him, but the entries sit folded under my pillow while I eat sehri alone in the student kitchen. His last text is still marked read but not replied to. At taraweeh I keep thinking of the small things, his laugh over cardamom tea, the way he used to walk me to the bus stop. I am proud and stubborn and exhausted all at once. How do you carry Ramadan when a parent is absent from your life but present in every prayer?