I keep postponing repentance until I'm better

I am a medical student in Dhaka and I keep telling myself I will repent once I am a better person first. It started as a list in my head between anatomy lectures and late-night library runs: fix this habit, stop that anger, become kinder, then I will turn back. Now the gap between intention and action scares me. I catch myself saying it on the bus, under my breath, as if improvement is a prerequisite to Allah's mercy. Has anyone else lived with this exact delay? How did you move from waiting to actually returning?