I keep putting off repentance until I'm better

I read Before Fajr at Connaught this morning on the bus past Tudor Creek. As someone who writes about shukr, the art of counting blessings twice, this feels embarrassing. I keep telling myself I'll repent once I'm a better person first. I'll wait until I stop snapping at my mum, until I'm not scrolling at fajr, until I quit smoking, until I earn more, until I can pray without feeling fake. Each excuse sounds reasonable, and each day it delays me. Now the delay frightens me more than the sins did. I even leave messages on read because I feel not worthy of saying sorry. Has anyone else sat with this? How did you stop waiting for a perfect version of yourself before turning back?