I know I should forgive, but I can't

I retired last year after forty years in clinics and wards. I taught students that a lot of healing sits outside the syringe, in patience and prayer. Still, someone close to me betrayed a trust so deep it feels like a wound that will not close. I say the words of forgiveness in prayer because I know they belong there, but when I boil my tea at three in the morning and the kitchen light makes the cup glow, my chest tightens and the old hurt comes back. I do not want this bitterness to be my final teaching. Has anyone else been stuck like this, where faith knows the path but the heart refuses to follow it?