I forgive outwardly but my heart won't

I just finished reading What Stayed and it landed like a nudge on a bruise. I accepted Islam in 2019 in Manchester, and lately I find myself going through the motions of forgiveness because I know it is right. A close friend betrayed me, shared things from my past with people I trusted. I pray, I make dua in the tiny kitchen at fajr, I even sit on the bus and try to recite but my chest tightens when their name comes up. I have told myself to forgive, but my heart clings to the hurt. Has anyone else carried this exact mismatch between duty and feeling? How did you live with it day to day?